Faith. The definition in the dictionary is to believe. I guess that’s accurate. Whether you’re believing in yourself, your God or your family, it takes faith. I haven’t been the best at having faith. I don’t think anyway. Some say I must have faith or I would never have gotten to where I am today, but I can’t say that’s how I feel.
That is the first paragraph in the final book of The Sugar Series, Sugar's Faith. Have you felt like that before? That you aren't very good at having faith? I have. Every day actually. Sometimes about different things too. I can have great faith about one part of my life while I'm completely faithless about another part of my life. If you want to read more about how I came to write Sugar's Faith, you can read it at the link below.
A few days after I wrote about Noah, a friend of mine sent me a picture. It said, "When God pushes you to the edge trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either He will catch you when you fall, or He will teach you how to fly." At the time I felt like I was up to my neck in falling. I was trying to have faith that He was either gonna catch me, or let the wind catch my wings so I could soar, and not crash into the ground head first. As I struggled I guess I should have looked at this cover again, because the answer was staring me in the face.
Part of that dream I had about Noah was seeing, very clearly, what this cover should look like. I denied it for awhile. I made seven or eight different covers trying to deny what I had seen in that dream. But as usual none of them worked, because I wasn't having faith. Finally I acquiesced and asked my mom if she had any old pictures left from my grandma's house. She did, and I took the photo albums home with me to try and find those pictures I saw in my dream. Did I know they were in these albums? Nope, but I really had no place else to start, so I had faith I could at least find something close to what He showed me. What did He show me? It was an old letter and on the top a picture. A picture much like this.
Was it this exact picture? No, I don't know, I just remember a guy holding a baby. Shouldn't be that hard to find right? Try as I might I couldn't find one on any stock photo like the one I had seen. So I turned to my old family pictures. This photo had to be old, nearly thirty years old, so how do you find something like that on a stock photo site? You don't, you have faith and you dig through old photo albums. The second photo album I went through I found that picture. I didn't know who it was. I knew it wasn't my dad, so I flipped the picture over and swallowed hard. The writing on the back said, "David and Suzi 2 mos." I never met my Uncle David, he passed away just a few months after this picture was taken. I stopped for a moment and the story of David and Goliath passed through my mind. David, such a small man, but he had faith he could defeat a giant with nothing more than his sling and his stick. I was on the right track. I was believing in His guidance now, and following my faith. Since I hadn't written the book yet I had all these crazy voices in my head trying to tell me the story. There were so many I couldn't hear any of them, and I was getting frustrated. I picked up a small album in the bottom of the bin and it said, "Our Son's Wedding". I opened it and went through the pictures of my Uncle Gary's wedding. I was about to close it, knowing there wasn't anything in it for me to use, when a photo of three women in the sunshine, dressed in dresses from yesteryear stared back at me. I pulled the album to my face. Who were these women? Was the young woman my mother? Was it my godmother? I didn't know, but when I looked at the picture I heard the names Enya, Keavy, and Deirdre. Who are these women? No one in my family is named that. I'm officially going crazy. I had to know, so showed I it to my mom. She told me it was her, her great grandmother and her grandmother. She agreed to let me use it and with a little help from some friends I had my completed cover. I had the cover HE had shown me, if I had just had faith.
I often feel a little like David as I write. All I have is a pen to fight the giant with. How do you fight a giant with a pen? You have to have courage, but more than that you have to have FAITH. For 64,000 words I didn't have any faith. In myself or in Sugar. Then I looked at the cover again and I saw my family, and I saw Sugar's family, and I saw the reason for this final book. I heard those three women's names again and this time, their story. There was a reason He was pushing me to the edge. He didn't intend to catch me, He was teaching me how to fly.
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