Welcome to #Katiesepicfailures, a blog post about the things I fail at in the most legendary of ways.
I saw a thing on the internet the other day….It said something like, “Don’t let the internet rush you. No one is posting their failures.” It took me a hot second to realize they were right, myself included. Well, that’s only partially true. I post my failures, but I try to make them look like successes. Today, I’m going to post this particular image as what it is. A failure.
The Kontakt Series was a HUGE failure. I have access to my all-time sales and reads for each book I publish and can see exactly how each book is selling. I looked the series up and COMBINED they don’t equal $100 dollars in sales and page reads. You read that right. In sixteen months, they each sold about 70 books. The majority not being in the US.
Was it the covers? No. The covers are sexy and fit the market for these books to a T. That's why every image on this post is of the covers. I paid for them, they might as well get some play! You have to admit The German’s Desperate Vow is SEXY as hell, though.
I probably know why they’ve failed. In fact, I WROTE the reason why in the books not once, but twice:
“America, for all its wildness, has a problem talking openly about sex and self-pleasuring.” The German’s Guilty Pleasure
“It takes a unique person to admit they work for a sensual aid company, as you have learned. It bothers me none to talk about my work, but some, especially Americans, struggle with the idea of talking openly about sex. It has taken me by surprise considering the American culture.” The German’s Desperate Vow
All of that said, here are my regrets about the Kontakt Series. None.
There was no way for me to know these books would fail as epically as they did. They could have just as easily succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. If I hadn’t tried, I wouldn’t know. Unfortunately, for me, the cookie crumbled and I was left holding a mess, but I still don’t regret trying.
I thought maybe it was worth revealing them for the failures they are rather than trying to spin them into something they aren’t: successful.
Do I wish more people had read the series? Yes, because the characters are so perfectly flawed. They are me, you, your mom, sister, brother, dad, uncle, brother, girlfriend. They are real and honest and the painful truth of hiding your true self behind your work because you can’t be who you are in your own country is so vivid in this book for Lar’s mother Gretchen. She looks out over the memorial for Pulse Nightclub in a foreign country and realizes how foreign it feels to be her real self for the first time in her life.
I have an entire company of perfectly imperfect people sitting on a dusty shelf and no matter how often I dust it, everyone walks past it. I can’t even give them away (I tried).
Is the writing bad? No. Are the characters one-dimensional? No. I can say that with honesty because of the 140 some people who have read it, the majority of the reviews are glowing (see what I did there?!)
In the end, that doesn’t matter because I’ve still failed somewhere along the way.
Did I choose to write about a subject that even in the face of all of America’s sexual revolution is still taboo? Yes.
Was that a failure on my part to not ‘read the room?’ Yes.
Fireworks on the Fourth of July so. Though, I sold 69 copies of The German’s Guilty Pleasure and if I never make another sale I’ll be okay with that. *I'm laughing*
This failure won’t be my last. I’m legendary when it comes to failing. I’m an amputee after falling down the bunny hill, after all. Oh, look, I already revealed another failure! See, I’m good at this!
I hope you've enjoyed my failure and hopefully, I entertained you slightly more than these books entertained the masses. Keep watching this blog for more #Katiesepicfails that I'll post periodically.
I don't know who said, but I'm pretty sure someone did that if we can’t recognize our failures, we’ll never appreciate our success. (Was it my sixth grade teacher? Maybe it was a TED talk? Was it Einstein? Oh, I bet it was Yoda? That doesn't sound right either...)
Katie Mettner wears the title of 'the only person to lose her leg after falling down the bunny hill' and loves decorating her prosthetic leg to fit the season.
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